Crafty Matters

I think it was Socrates who said, “The road to crafting hell is paved with good intentions.” If that’s the case, I’m well on my way. Not to brag, but my crafting skills are often compared to those of an attention-deficit chimpanzee. That’s a compliment, right? Because chimps are cool.

I jump into craft projects with an all-out zeal. I purchase ALL the supplies, I bring home ALL the bags, I order ALL the crafty materials online, then one day I wake up from my craft frenzy to realize I have no desire to embroider daisies on all my pillowcases or turn a $5 blanket from Kohl’s into a scarf/legwarmer set.

Basically, I have a ton of half-finished projects just waiting for their chance to shine in the sun.

I was always so excited for craft projects in elementary school. For Valentine’s Day, I’d wrap little squares of pink crepe paper around the end of my pencil, and glue all those twisted bits of paper into the shape of a heart. For Christmas, I’d wrap little squares of green crepe paper around my pencil and glue them into the shape of a tree. For Easter . . . well, I think you now understand the depth of my craft skills.

Once in a while, the crafting bug will bite and I’ll pull out my boxes of projects, rummage around in the cloth and paint and buttons and rocks (?) and paper, and put the lid back on the box and slide it back into the closet.

Or my grandkids will drag out my art supplies that consist of pipe cleaners, pom poms, bottles of glue with the lid glued shut, rectangles of brown felt, and for some reason, a huge bottle of silver glitter. They’ll cobble together some interesting looking creatures and sprinkle them (and the rest of the house) with glitter before running off to read a book. Hahaha! Just kidding. They run off to play on their phones.

Pinterest is the trigger for my craft compulsions. I try to avoid it because I know I’ll get sucked into something I won’t finish. But while looking for healthy recipes (Hahaha! Just kidding. I’m looking for snickerdoodle recipes.) I’ll take a quick glance at what’s happening on the crafty side of the website.

The headlines always grab me: Top 10 Things to Do With Burlap, 12 Tips to Building a Treehouse, DIY Modern Clocks or 30 Gifts Made from Altoid Tins. It doesn’t matter that burlap makes me itch, I don’t have a tree, no one uses clocks and I never remember to save Altoid tins—I’ll start hankerin’ for my glue gun until my husband distracts me with Mexican food.

I’ve accepted that I’ll never be the kind of crafty woman I’ve aspired to be for several decades. At least my road to crafting hell will be covered with silver glitter.